Skinny women get all the guys....

Copyright ©2012 Fred Parkinson. All Rights Reserved.

Nicole Kidman. Keira Knightley. Miranda Kerr. Cheryl Cole. Victoria Beckham. Anne Hathaway. Teri Hatcher. Amy Winehouse (RIP), Taylor Swift.

Size 00 00 00 women. Thin women.  Skinny women. All men like thin women. Men only want skinny women.

If a woman wants to get a man she has to get thin because men want thin women.

Skinny women get all the guys.

Men don't want size 14 women, dear Lord no.

Fatties. That's what size 14s are.

Waddling their fat derrieres ever down the street to the burger bar.

There they are, point at them derisively - shun their company lest their fatness creep across the street and attach itself to you.

Yes, indeed the just been liberated from Auschwitz look is very in darling.

Anyone who isn't size 00 00 00 is doomed to live a solitary life, bereft of human companionship - a life of bitter isolation assuaged only by the murmuring cries of mange ridden felines.

Small, pimple sized, breasts; backsides resembling a malnourished horses mouth and ribs protruding so far that the bearer looks in profile like a corrugated roof or glockenspiel; no this isn't another Overseas Aid appeal, this is a peak inside this weeks' leading fashion and celebrity magazines.

Who set this benchmark for feminine beauty?  What lofty wisdom of the Gods hath shaped our world view? The musings of the great philosophers? The Nobel Prize Winning Scientists of our age?

No, silly, the fashion industry of course. I mean, duh; how stupid are you?

And what sector of society makes up the fashion industry?

Well let's see: there's gay men, pastie unhealthy looking albinos with bad teeth and elderly women of course.

Well, there you have it girls - you can't get more authoritative than homosexual males, buck toothed albinos and post menopausal shrews now can you?

I mean if you ignore their advice you don't deserve a sex life do you?

But men like thin women, skinny women are the most attractive - that's a fact!

Which men? Which men like thin women? Who are these skinny women obsessed hordes?

Oh, you mean those guys over there with the lemon and pink shirts, skinny jeans and hairstyles that make them look like they've been slapped over the head and across the face with a wet tea towel? I see.

So let me get this straight?

You're taking your life purpose and all of your self esteem and placing it in the hands of medium height skinny guys wearing clothes that would not look out of place at a "Freddie Mercury didn't die it was all a bad Dallas Dream" comeback tour?

Answer me this.

What does a woman without breasts, curves or shape look most like - a real woman or a very pretty man?

Eh, voila!


Wait! You think me wrong?

Emma Watson in her first Xmas perfume ad was put in a man's jacket, with a man's hat and with short, slicked back hair. Elfish woman? Or pretty prepubescent boy? Disturbing? Isn't it?

And there folks we have it!

Let's try this another way.

Ask yourself, who best meets the platinum standard of feminine beauty in the eyes of the fashion industry?

A pretty, gay, approaching puberty male who is clearly unburdened by any attachment to his penis?


(Cue show tunes and triumphant entry of the Lady Boys of Bangkok as paragons of feminine beauty).

That's right girls, forget about Barbie: your role models are sex change and (to a lesser extent because of that pesky penis) transgender males.

And just how representative of the male population are sex change or transgender males; or for that matter, straight, medium height, pink shirt wearing, skinny jeans fitting, no shoulders bearing, skinny guys?

Do they even describe 10% of the population, collectively?

But wait, who is that huddled mass of males over there - could these be the mythical real men of legend? Rumor has it that they might even represent the vast majority of males!

Let's look at them!

My God, what are those strange bulges in their trousers (front AND back)?

What are those swellings in the upper body and what are those masses at the tops of their arms - they look like, no...wait..could those be the broad shoulders that the old timers used to whisper about in the old Mills & Boon novels?


Real men are clinically overweight - pom pom pom!

(For those of you men about to burst into tears and reach for the biscuit barrel W.W.E. star John Cena would be regarded as clinically obese by these outdated clinical standards).

Real men come with shoulders, backsides that fill trousers, stomachs that fill out shirts and they have hair curiously bereft of the heady scent of cocoa butter hair conditioner and deprived of the loving ministrations of straightening tongs.

(Interestingly, there is medical evidence to suggest that both the medium height skinny guy and the increasing numbers of genetically homosexual or androgynous males are the direct result of the decline of the Y chromosome (that will inevitably lead to the extinction of the male gender) the main culprit being, among other things, the extent of Estrogen fostering chemicals in the water supply).

Real men have real bodies and surprisingly don't see their penis as a burden - in fact they see their genitalia as a way to make both of you very happy.

And what do these men look for in their ideal woman?

Well, check out their internet histories - how many men are masturbating to pictures of malnourished men? Don't answer that.

Instead tell me how many of them are looking at women who would fill size 16+ clothes because they have breasts, hips and thighs?

As my grandfather used to say, "When you're looking for a woman you want summat you can grab hold of".

Can you imagine grabbing hold of a size 00 00 00 woman - it would be like trying to squeeze a bar of wet soap! Size 00 00 00 women look to real men like transsexuals - if that's your tree than by all means shake it baby but it's not everyone's cup of tea; in fact it's not the greater majority's cup of tea either.

Real women are not coat hangers, nor are they closet males longing for a larger penis. Real women are though curvy, full figured and damned sexy for it.


Well, that's what real men think!